Turbulence

An alumnus asked me to meet him under the big oak tree, a landmark of my school. I arrived at the location fifteen minutes early. I sat there and watched as people were passing by me. I always love to spend time observing people and guessing what they are feeling – it allows me to connect with other people in some unknown ways. The alumnus arrived on time. We were taking a stroll around the area when the alumnus asked me to go check out the LGBTQ+ society with him. I rarely tell anyone about how I feel when people keep assuming that I like talking about girls and dating girls – it makes me a bit uncomfortable most of the time when the guys keep talking about dating girls with me. But I trusted the alumnus, and I shared with him. Actually, the alumnus had asked me to check out the society with him a long time ago. But I kept turning down the offer since I was very busy with my assignments and examinations. Now that the semester was over, I finally had time to go with him. To be honest, I had some reservations about the invitation at first, but it wouldn’t hurt to try, right? It would be a waste of time at worst – apparently, I would not be assassinated merely because I went to an event organised by the LGBTQ+ society.

I had the wonderful opportunity to embark on a Global Experience (GEx) study trip to Bandung and Yogyakarta, Indonesia, with a professor and fellow students from NUS College. The study trip spanned one month (half a month in each city) and comprised visits to houses and studios of prominent local artists, hikes to notable landmarks of the areas, a street art biking tour, student consultations, and student-initiated trips. I was attracted to this study trip by the theme of creative city development. I have always been fascinated by the arts and the question of how we can use the arts to address the social problems in the city. That is a question that has intrigued me for a very long time, long before the trip. Whenever I read a book or observed a painting, I have always wondered if the arts can be more than a medium for self-expression. What if the arts were used as a form of non-verbal language to discuss and dissect social problems?

On a silent night, alone in a dimly lit room. The thought of fatherly love hits me as I am trespassing upon the land of everything that life can become. What kind of a father will I be? I have never thought of becoming a father before. Whenever we are faced with a hypothetical question, we usually consult our imagination. I envision myself having a child of about 6 or 7 years old. We will walk the road to the park near our house, and sit by a lake to watch the sunset. We will have an ice cream together, laughing as we comment on the flavour we’ve just savoured. I feel a sense of warmth, and joy, and… disconnection? I squint my eyes, trying to dive deeper into the emotional landscape that the imagination provokes. And all I can feel, is a vast distance between me and the child. I cannot feel related to the child. What is the secret ingredient that allows a father to be telepathically connected to his child?